


My Reason For Living

by RakuraiDensetsu



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Eli is a workaholic, F/F, Nozomi The Housewife, They're married!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-15 06:44:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11225490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RakuraiDensetsu/pseuds/RakuraiDensetsu
Summary: What if on that destined day the one who reached out wasn't Nozomi? Eli has the chance to relive that fateful moment on the staircase once again.





	My Reason For Living

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: Konnichiwa~ Rakurai desu~
> 
> Just another random idea during class :D I think this song goes really well with the staircase scene in this  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEa3sB-Zdxg
> 
> Again, if there are any grammatical errors, I'm truly sorry. English is not my native language so there's nothing I can do about them. However, if there are any errors, feel free to tell them to me.
> 
> This one is set in modern times so not that much research is done.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do NOT own anything other than the storyline.
> 
> Please enjoy!

“I think you should pay the shrine a visit, Elichi. It might help you get some steam off.”

Nozomi said from the kitchen while preparing dinner for both her and Eli. However, Eli was completely worn out on the sofa in the living room to even hear what Nozomi is saying. Her boss wasn’t exactly merciful towards her when that woman asked her to work some extra few more hours everyday.

“Elichi? If you’re too tired, you can just have a light meal and go to bed, you know?”

Nozomi smiled at a muffled-sound Elichi whose face was pressed onto the sofa as she placed two bowls of white rice, a dish of grilled mackerel, a natto dish and two bowls of meat and potato stew on the dining table close to the kitchen stand.

“Dinner’s ready, Elichi.”

Taking off her apron, Nozomi stepped to where Eli is and lightly shook her awake. Eli peeked open one eye, groaning because her peaceful rest was disturb.

“Nozomi~ I’m too tired to even eat dinner, you know?”

“I know. But you still need to eat dinner or you won’t be able to stay healthy.” Nozomi laughed slightly.

“Ahh~ I need sleep~ Not food~.” Eli whined miserably from the sofa.

Upon Eli’s fatigued figure, Nozomi let out a sigh. She was sure Eli is going to skip dinner again, Nozomi was prepared to rouse Eli up should she refuse to eat dinner but soon give up the intention when she witnessed how tired Eli was.

“Can you stand, Elichi? I’ll walk you to bed.”

Eli responded with a muffle sound, putting in her best effort to stand up without falling back down into the sofa again. Taking Eli’s arm and draping it around her shoulders, Nozomi helped guide Eli to the bedroom. She tucked Eli into the warm, comfortable blanket of their bed and sat down next to a sleepy half-lidded eyes Eli.

“When you wake up with a better state, I’ll make you something to eat, okay?” Nozomi patted Eli’s head lovingly.

“Thanks, Nozomi.” Eli looked guiltily at Nozomi. “…and I’m sorry for being so hard to handle these days.”

“Don’t be, Elichi. You’re tired. It’s only natural you wouldn’t have the strength to eat. Just eat something when you wake up, okay?”

“Okay, I will.” Eli said as she’s slowly drifting away into unconsciousness.

The small smile on Nozomi’s face gradually fading away as Eli steps into her slumber.

* * *

 

“Ayase-san…” A distant voice called out to her.

“Ayase-san.” The sound of that voice became louder as Eli tried her best to hear it.

“Ayase-san!” The sound changed from a distant voice to a shout, waking Eli from her half asleep state.

“Y-Yes!?” Eli gasped.

The first vision Eli took in was of a scowling Nanako-sensei and the familiar scene of the classroom around her. To be precise, it was her 1st year classroom.

“H-Huh…? What? Why am I…?” Eli was disoriented.

“What are you stuttering for, Ayase-san? Please stand up and answer my question.” Nanako-sensei raised her voice impatiently.

“Question? What question?” Eli flustered in a hushed voice.

A giggle came from behind her. An all too familiar sound that Eli has come to love for as long as she can remember. Eli was about to turn around when Nozomi whispered the answer to her.

“It’s ‘no’, Eli-san.”

Eli immediately repeated what Nozomi said and Nanako-sensei was seemingly pleased that at least Eli was paying attention in class. She turned back to the blackboard, picking up where she left off from her lecture. Eli didn’t want to turn around since she is slowly becoming more conscious of where she is. That’s how she’s always been. An honour student. The atmosphere in the classroom feels way too real for everything to be just a dream for Eli.

Yet, she has all her memories with her. Memories of her first, second and third years. Memories of µ's. Most important of all, however, is her memories of Toujou Nozomi. The one and only person who was able to change Eli for the better, to show Eli she’s much more than what her façade let on. The memories became the motivation that urges Eli to turn around. To see the one person who means so much to her in life.

The school bell chimed, indicating that it was time for the learning day to be over.

Eli turned around to find Nozomi packing her books with a small smile playing on her lips. Feeling Eli’s gaze on her, Nozomi looked up and smiled at her, then she stood up, heading for the door. Everything Nozomi confessed to her after their wedding came back to Eli.

_“You know, Elichi… the first time I met you, I was actually being too shy to talk to you. That moment when I left before you wasn’t because I had something important in mind, but it was because I wanted to collect my courage so I could confront you on the stairs. I guess that is quite annoying, huh?”_

At that moment, an understanding crossed Eli’s mind. That time, when Nozomi reached out to her, it was because she has finally met someone like her. Someone sincere. That time, Nozomi was the one who needed Eli. Nevertheless, Eli was apprehended with a new-found anxiety. **What if this time she won’t confront me…?**

The vague notion of what might happen unveil itself inside Eli’s mind. Maybe, Eli didn’t need Nozomi before, but after meeting her, being friends with her, falling in love with her; Eli has come to comprehend the fact that she could never be able to live in a world without Nozomi.

Arriving at her resolve, Eli stood up and ran to the staircase where they first met, where they first acknowledged each other. She was breathing heavily but the only thing inside her mind was for her to find Nozomi instead. However, Eli wasn’t ready for what’s about to reveal itself to her. When Eli got there, what she saw was Nozomi’s lonely figure standing by the window next to the stairs.

Nozomi was looking out the window, her eyes fairly distant, a small smile on her face. At the sight of Nozomi, a sting throbbed in her chest when she saw Nozomi’s smile. Eli has been with Nozomi for so long, just when Eli thought she had finally see Nozomi’s true genuine smile of happiness, the forlorn figure from before appeared in front of her right at this moment.

Nonetheless, Eli still stand frozen in her spot. She waited. Eli wanted Nozomi to turn around and reach out to her like she did again. Nozomi turned around, having no idea that Eli is watching her. Sweat began rolling down Eli’s face, the loud thumping of her heart intensified inside her head. **Notice me, Nozomi…!**

Contrary to what Eli had hoped to happen, Nozomi headed down the staircase, still oblivious to Eli’s presence. Like someone had pushed her from behind, Eli picked up her feet, starting down the stairs to the landing.

“Nozomi!”

At the calling of her name, Nozomi turned around with surprise on her face. She glanced up to find Eli out of breath.

“Eli-san?”

 **Ah… she already knew me… and I didn’t even know who she was back then… how stupid I am for ignoring her like the others…** Eli scolded herself, her face crunched together in dissatisfaction for being so impassive back then. Flashbacks from that time rushed back to Eli as Nozomi looked at Eli quizzically.

_“Um…!”_

_Eli turned around to the stuttering sound of a stranger. With a stern expression, Eli enquired._

_“And you are?”_

_Her face looked as if she was battling inwardly, trying her hardest to find what to say. Then, she put on the most beautiful smile she has and introduced herself._

_“I’m Toujou Nozomi!”_

At that moment, Eli struggled to find the words as she herself has acted so sudden that she didn’t know what to say. Sure enough though, Eli has fathomed that she was the one at a loss this time. **How the tables have turned…**

“Eli-san? Is there something you need?”

Nozomi’s voice brought Eli back from her abstraction plane. Eli became flustered as she was looking for the right words to say.

“Ah… um… I’m sorry, I… uh… there’s actually nothing at all…”

Eli looked down to the ground, unable to look Nozomi in the eye since she was embarrassed of her own action. Nozomi giggled again and the sound of her voice was like a soft, tranquil melody to Eli’s ears.

“Well, if there’s nothing at all… why would you call out someone’s name when you barely even know them, Eli-san?”

At Nozomi’s amused enquiry, Eli can feel her face heat up gradually as she answered the question.

“Uh… that’s-!”

Eli stammered, unable to tell her the reason for calling her name suddenly. Her face was flustered but she still managed to keep a determined face. Seeing a bundle of emotion on Eli’s features, Nozomi laughed lightly.

“I didn’t know you would be so casual towards me that much, Eli-san. I think calling me by my first name without honorifics is a bit much?” Nozomi cocked her head to one side with an amused smile.

“S-Sorry, …Nozomi-san.”

After all those years being with her, the word ‘Nozomi-san’ feels so foreign to Eli, it made her furrow her brows due to the unfamiliarity in that one word. Even though she wanted to call Nozomi’s name out loud without honorifics or whatsoever, Eli is aware of the fact that right at this moment, they’re still strangers. Possible for Nozomi but not for Eli.

“If you need help with anything, I’ll be glad to help. Don’t be shy, Eli-san.”

 **Shy…? Nozomi is calling me shy…?** All because she stammered. She couldn’t bring herself to explain for her odd behaviour. How could Eli just say that she was downright frighten of Nozomi leaving and never reach out to her again? The fear, the apprehension of Nozomi disappearing from her life one day scares the hell of Eli. Back then, Nozomi was the shy and reticent one, now she’s calling Eli shy.

“It’s nothing… really.” Eli’s eyes became downcast.

A minute passed by, Nozomi waited for Eli to come out with what she truly wanted to say but nothing came. Nozomi smiled kindly at Eli.

“Well… if you said it’s nothing then I’ll be heading home, Eli-san.”

With that final sentence, Nozomi turned around and walked towards the exit. Eli could not move. She can only stared after Nozomi’s figure as she left.

* * *

 

Days had passed by and Eli still couldn’t wake up from this dream she called a nightmare. She tried all she could to wake up from the dream. Pinching. Intentionally falling down from a fairly high stairs. Hitting herself several times. She even asked Nozomi to slap her as hard as possible. Well, being as kind-hearted and bemused as she was at the time, Nozomi didn’t comply with Eli’s request at all. Much to Eli’s dismay, Nozomi thought that hitting someone you just get acquainted with is not so nice. Even if they asked you to.

The reason to her doing such painful things to herself is because there was something pained her tenfold than that. Eli couldn’t bear the stinging feeling of twisting pain in her chest every time she caught Nozomi standing alone by herself at the hallway’s window. When Eli caught her, the same lonely expression was always there. As if it was etched into Nozomi’s features. It had long since passed the time when Nozomi was like that and Eli was used to the happiness on Nozomi’s face. Now, as she revisited the Nozomi from back then, Eli just wanted to wake up.

“Well then, I’ll be leaving. See you tomorrow, Eli-san.”

Coming back from her thoughts, Eli looked up to find Nozomi smiling at her. The sunset behind Nozomi illuminated all the darkness away with its radiance yet it escalated the desolate smile on Nozomi’s face. The sharp pain came again and Eli felt disheartened for a moment.

Nozomi turned around, preparing to leave. As for Eli, she was still petrified in her place. **Don’t go…**

Nozomi’s frame was slowly disappearing from Eli’s range of view. **Please stop… I don’t want to see that look on your face…**

Despite Nozomi being long gone, Eli could still feel it in her conscience. She knew that even with this distance, Eli can feel that smile on Nozomi’s face that haven’t faded away yet.

_“I used to tell myself to never stop smiling. Even when Otonokizaka is out of sight. Even when my friends are still around. I only stop when I’m home. No one ever really know me. Not all of them tried to find out what was really going on underneath my façade. Except for you, Elichi. I guessed I can never hide anything from you, huh?” Nozomi laughed as she recalled their high school time._

Eli clenched her teeth and ran. Nozomi’s words rang deafeningly in her head. The sole reason of it all. It set off a sequence of uneasiness, putting an end to Eli’s limit. Somehow, she got the feeling that today was the last day she would ever see Nozomi ever again.

“NOZOMI!!!”

“Huh?” Nozomi turned around.

To her bewilderment, Eli hugged her tightly. So tight that Nozomi couldn’t breath for a moment.

“Please don’t go! Please stop putting on that face! I don’t…! I can’t bear it! Witnessing you like this breaks my heart…!”

For the first time, Eli felt free. She felt at ease letting it all out. However, how she feels doesn’t matter to Eli at that moment. What matters to her was whether or not she had free Nozomi yet.

“E-Eli-san…” Nozomi was completely puzzled by Eli’s action.

“I don’t need to go home just yet. Please let me come to your place.” Eli beseeched.

“But… I…” Nozomi was at a loss for words.

“I told you. You don’t need to hide it from me. I already know that you live alone, Nozomi.”

It seemed Eli couldn’t care less about formalities anymore. The way she always calls Nozomi was Eli being true to herself. Incidentally, calling Nozomi otherwise was putting Eli off anyways.

“H-How did you…?” Nozomi’s eyes widen.

“Just forget about the small details and come with me.”

Without waiting for Nozomi’s answer, Eli took her hand and led Nozomi towards the path to her home. At that, however, bemused Nozomi even more when she found out Eli knew the way to her place. She can only followed Eli silently as she led the way.

* * *

Arriving at Nozomi’s apartment, Eli stepped to the side, allowing Nozomi her entrance so she could open the door. Initially, Eli planned to open the door instead since she also knew where Nozomi kept her keys. Though, she figured Nozomi would be terrified had Eli reveal where the keys were.

“Pardon the intrusion.” Eli said as she stepped inside.

“Make yourself at home, Eli-san.”

Nozomi took off her shoes and stepped inside. As for Eli, she took off her shoes while glancing around the place. The apartment space that she had become so familiar with. She thought she had gotten rid of it forever after she urged Nozomi to move out and live in hers instead. Never had she imaged the day she saw it again would come.

“Can you please explain to me why you know the way to my apartment, Eli-san?”

“…Are you scared that I might harm you?” Eli looked at Nozomi straight in the eye for the first time ever since Nozomi first met her.

“No, I just wanted to know.” Nozomi smiled kindly at her.

“…”

Eli choose to stay silent. She had come this far, she’s not going to let something so trivial as that stopping her from doing what she’s supposed to do since that day. Eli has been putting it off for too long and she too was frustrated at herself for being such an idiot for doing this to Nozomi. On Nozomi’s end, she just waited patiently for Eli to explain. She thought Eli was trying to find the words. Little did she prepare herself for what Eli is about to say.

“I want you to stop doing that to yourself. I want you to know that you’re not alone. I want you to learn that I love you and care for you more than anyone else in the world, Nozomi!” Eli conveyed.

Nozomi stared at Eli. Stunned was all that Eli can say from Nozomi’s features. Even so, Eli continued.

“It hurts me to see you like this… every time you put on a smile, a fake smile to conceal your true feelings, it tears my heart into a thousand pieces. I wanted so much more for you. You deserve more than anyone could ever bargain for.”

Nozomi’s eyes probably couldn’t widen anymore than this when she saw tears streaming down Eli’s cheeks as Eli continue to convey her earnest feelings.

“I love you, Nozomi. I want to you to remember that.”

Amidst her tears, Eli still tried to put on her most reassuring smile, hoping that the message will get through to Nozomi. To say the least, Nozomi was astounded. A minute passed by and she smiled. A genuine, sincere smile. Eli was the one to be stunned this time.

“Thank you, Eli-san.”

A single tear rolled down Nozomi’s face when she thanked Eli. Everything before Eli flashes bright before her eyes as it all fades to white.

* * *

“Elichi!”

Eli awakened to the frantic calling of her name. The distinguishable smell of ether penetrated her nose forcefully, rousing her awake from her sleep. Popping her eyes open, she was thankful that Nozomi’s beautiful features was the first thing she saw.

“Elichi, thank God you’re finally awake!”

Nozomi was crying hysterically, hugging Eli firmly. Seeing how disoriented Eli was, Nozomi explained amidst tears.

“You wouldn’t wake up no matter what. I had to call Maki-chan. Luckily, she was attending her shift tonight so she could help out. Maki-chan told me not to worry since you were transferred in here and you were stressed due to pressure from work.”

On the other hand, Eli was struck with anxiety from her dream and upon seeing Nozomi in her arms, Eli enfolded Nozomi tightly without no intention of letting go.

“Elichi?”

“I’m glad… you’re here, Nozomi.” Tears poured down her cheeks.

“Elichi…” Nozomi was crying but she still smiled.

“You’re my reason for living, Nozomi. Thank you for being a part of my life. I love you.”

Eli loosened her embrace and kissed Nozomi. Though she was caught by surprise at first, Nozomi responded eagerly. They both melted into each other as Eli deepened the kiss, asking for more. Demanding to be reassured that Nozomi is here with her. And to prove to Nozomi that Eli is there with her as well. When they finally let go, Nozomi asked her with the most pure, innocent face Eli never thought she could make.

“Is everything okay, Elichi?”

“Yes, more than okay. You see, I was having this dream…”

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: What did you think of 'My Reason For Living'?
> 
> If you find this story to your liking then by all means tell me all about it. Comments and reviews about the story is most welcomed. Thank you!
> 
> Until next time, Rakurai deshita~!


End file.
